Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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