ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
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