My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
It's not a walk of shame if you run
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
Randomize
