it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
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