i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
I made him laugh his dick is mine
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
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