Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
