ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
Randomize
