so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
Randomize
