Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
