Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
Randomize
