DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Randomize
