laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
