Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
Randomize
