youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
well most of my day revolves around power hour
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
