if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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