He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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