Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
