Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
Randomize
