...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Randomize
