There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
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