I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
