So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
The convent might be a nice break from real life
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
