so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
Randomize
