Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
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