Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
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