i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
Tornado booty call.. dedication
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
Randomize
