WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
