sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
Randomize
