never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
