You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
Randomize
