I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
Randomize
