yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
