Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
Randomize
