Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Randomize
