you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
