Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
