Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
Randomize
