dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
