Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize