I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
Randomize
