How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
