have fun at tinkers! p.s. are there any hot guys who look like they wanna wait until marriage to have sex?
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Randomize
