I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
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His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
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I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.