We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
they're like a gay fantastic four
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.