wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
These 23 People Had Sex With Someone From Completely Different Cultures
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
25 Medical Facts That Need To Be Common Knowledge
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos