I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship