last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...