Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
Randomize
