I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
it's like iHOP with fire
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
Sorry my hands just texted you
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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