Hey I don't know if you will get this but all I know is you are so beautiful to .ee and? I dare anyone to stop me me from caring for you ante so beautiful so I kid you not gorgeous iyoiu are so beautiful to me i dare som.eone too stioo you
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
Randomize
