Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
Randomize
