True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Randomize
