I'm so fucking centered right now
I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
Randomize
