Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
Randomize
