I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
