Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
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