Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
fuck your aforementioned shoe
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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