i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
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