fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
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