Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
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