Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
