I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
