found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
