I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
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