your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
Randomize
