How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
Randomize
