Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
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