I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
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