Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
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