Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
where are my pants?
in the oven.
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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