we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
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We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
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