somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
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