I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
Randomize
