Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
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