Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
Randomize
