Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
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