Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
Randomize
