she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.