i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
Woman Using Lunch Break To Find Another Job Gets Hilariously Snitched On By The Local News
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
28 ‘Thanks For Coming To My Ted Talk Tweets’ Funnier And More Informative Than An Actual Ted Talk
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.