I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
the liver wants what the liver wants
I have aggressive nipples.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.