thus making me awesome and them whores
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Randomize
