all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
Randomize
