If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
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