i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
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